 PARENTING
Choosing to continue your pregnancy and to parent can be very challenging. A single parent is faced with many decisions to make for herself and her baby.
Parenting is a huge responsibility, but also a great joy. With the support of caring people, parenting classes, and other resources, many women find the help they need to make this choice.
CPC peer counselors will help you sort out your concerns and help you find the support and resources you will need to parent your baby.
Frequently Asked Questions About Single Parenting
1. Where can I live with my baby? Some possibilities include living with your parents, a friend or relative, a group home for single mothers, subsidized housing, CPC temporary housing (when available), finding your own apartment. Look for a safe, convenient, affordable place, close to good transportation, schools, and employment.
2. What are your most important needs? Housing, medical care, food, baby supplies. Community agencies, local churches, and CPC may help with your most urgent needs. Your CPC peer counselor can connect you with helpful resources, including our Earn While You Learn educational incentive program.
3. How will parenting affect my dating? Parenting may limit your dating. When you choose to parent, your child will need most of your time and attention. Some people you date may not want to share your attention with a child, while other people will not mind. Before getting into a serious relationship, consider the effect on your child. Try to balance freedom and responsibility—you will still need to allow yourself some “fun time”. This is also a good time to consider healthy relationships and to make a commitment to sexual integrity.
 4. Do I have to quit school? Most schools encourage you to continue your education and provide programs especially for pregnant and parenting teens. You may decide to take a semester off while adjusting to single parenting, but your educational goals are still reachable. No one can force you to quit school.
5. Who will be your greatest support? Parents, friends, family, pastor/priest, your baby's father. Include them in your decision making. However, if anyone tries to force you into a decision you are uncomfortable with, seek an intermediary to help you to talk to them. CPC can help you do this. This is your baby and your life.
6. What rights does the father have? In some states, the birth father's name is not even put on the birth certificate unless you want it to be. If he has signed a paternity affidavit, he has legal rights, including visitation. Discuss his rights and responsibilities with your counselor, attorney, or the Child Support Enforcement Agency.
7. How do I get support from the birth father? The birth father's legal responsibilities include providing financial support for your child. Most states have a child support enforcement agency which will withhold money from his paycheck if he is unwilling to pay. Understand that your child is entitled to his financial support, even if he is opposed to your choice to give birth and parent your baby. Ask your peer counselor for a copy of the brochure, “Me, A Father? My Role, Responsibilities, and Rights.”
 8. How do I explain to my child why there is no father in our home? Explain that because of complicated circumstances, he is unable to be part of your family. Talk as positively about him as you can without being dishonest. Even if you don't like him, he is someone special to your child. Seek other male role models to encourage your child. How your child perceives caring adults of either sex will affect how he or she will relate to others as an adult.
9. What rights do grandparents have? State laws vary about grandparents’ custody and visitation rights. By law, birth parents are the only ones who have rights and responsibilities toward the child. Grandparents are important people in your child's life and history. They can also be very helpful. Seek their help, however, as a temporary solution only, as it is important for you to be independent. If you live with your parents, they have a right to insist on a few rules.
10. Can I still choose adoption later if parenting doesn't work out? If single parenting becomes too difficult and you decide to look into adoption, you are not a bad parent. It takes courage to realize that you are not ready for the responsibility of parenthood. Separating from a child with whom you have bonded with is difficult. Your CPC peer counselor can help you and your child through this process and make referrals to help you make an adoption plan that you can live with. An “open” adoption will allow you to have contact with your child.
Adapted from “Single Parenting: Ten FAQs About Single Parenting,” Bethany Publications 1997 |
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ADOPTION
One of the more difficult situations a woman can face is an unplanned pregnancy, especially if she is young and single. The responsibilities of being a single mom may seem overwhelming. While abortion may seem an “easy way out”, most women feel uncomfortable with this choice. A woman who is not comfortable with abortion or is not ready to parent may consider adoption. Each year over 50,000 women in America make this choice.
Making an adoption plan (planning for your baby's future) is a decision that takes courage and maturity, and it involves putting the needs and best interests of the child first. Many types of adoption plans are available:
Confidential Adoption. Provides total confidentiality for adoptive parents and birth parents.
Semi-open Adoption. Gives both families an opportunity to develop a relationship over time through an intermediary. It permits sharing some information.
Open Adoption. Gives everyone involved the opportunity to communicate directly with each other. There is open sharing of identifying information about birth parents and adoptive families. There is continued contact after placement of the baby. Pictures, letters, visits may be arranged.
Many people have misconceptions about adoption. CPC will help you sort through these misunderstandings.
Whether or not you choose adoption, CPC is here to encourage and support you.
Children who are adopted, generally:
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Have strong feelings of security within their family. |
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Do well in school and attain a higher level of education. |
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Have a superior sense of self-esteem, optimism, and social competency. |
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Experience lower rates of crime and drug abuse. |
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Have better health (higher birth rate; less childhood diseases). |
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Experience less child abuse and sexual abuse. |
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Are less likely to use drugs and alcohol. |
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Are less likely to experience a teen pregnancy. |
Misconceptions about Adoption
Many people have misunderstandings about adoption. Adoption has changed. Now you can decide your baby's future. You can select the parents. You are always in control of your decision. CPC will help you sort through these and give you the information you need to make the right decision for you and your baby.
Myth: Birth parents who care about their child would never consider adoption.
Fact: Birth parents who make an adoption plan are really loving, caring people.
Myth: Abortion would be easier; I could get on with my life.
Fact: Making an adoption plan or parenting will be challenging, but many women have succeeded, and you can too! In the long-run abortion is not easier; it may have life-long consequences (physical, emotional, and spiritual).
Myth: A birth parent will never know anything about her/his child in the coming years.
Fact: Birth parents can help develop an adoption plan that provides for future contact and sharing information (picture, letters, visits).
Myth: Adoption is an irresponsible solution to an unplanned pregnancy and people will think poorly about me.
Fact: Just because you got pregnant does not mean you are ready or able to be a good parent. It is courageous and loving to place the needs of your child ahead of your own. Those who care about you will understand. Most importantly, you will know that you made a loving decision for you and your child.
Myth: A birth parent will eventually forget about the child relinquished for adoption.
Fact: If you make an adoption plan for your child, you will never forget (or want to forget) your child.
Myth: All adopted children will grow up to have serious psychological problems.
Fact: When children are placed with adoptive families who are knowledgeable and sensitive, the risk of psychological problems is no greater for adopted children than for biological children.
Myth: A child does not really need a father.
Fact: Two-parent families where fathers take their responsibilities seriously and parents support each other are important for a healthy childhood.
Myth: No one can love a child as much as the birth mother.
Fact: Adoptive parents can love their children as fully and selflessly as biological parents—as much as if they had given birth to them.
Myth: It's better for the birthmother to marry her boyfriend and raise the baby.
Fact: Wanting to provide a secure family for your child shows your love and maturity. Getting married just because you are pregnant is often a poor foundation for building a family. Marriage failures are high for those who marry under such pressures.
Myth: A birthmother will never know if her child is neglected or abused.
Fact: Adoptive families must meet standards that you will agree to. In an open adoption, you will see for yourself how well your child is cared for and how much your child is loved.
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